Kya aap shauch karte haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin? (To be sung in the Close-up ad syle)

He walked into my life exactly two weeks back. And since then, life has just not been the same.
Three days a week, I get up at 5 am just so I can meet him at 6. He's my yoga teacher.
And his idea of greeting us each morning is by asking us if we have done shauch (translated it means- have you shat?)
Understandably no one raises his or her hands on being asked who all haven't shat. He doesn't buy that. "Dekhiye aap sharmaiye mat. Pani pijiye aur peeche rest room hai, wahan jaake rest kar ke aayie." That, of course, is the best excuse for many of the guys to just get up and leave the session and turn up at the end, claiming to have utilised all the intervening time to try shauching.
It doesn't stop at that. Towards the end of the session, he makes us do shavaasan, which ensures that most of us sleep-deprived people just doze off. So that when he asks us to get up, half of us are snoring away. At which point he will walk up to people and say, "Oh Devdas utho bhaiya utho."
One fine day, he decided to undertake the responsibility of making all of us clear all the snot out of our systems. For this express purpose, he told us to purchase a khukki-wala lauta- a container with a spout. The deal for the lautas was brokered by him and he got us a price of Rs 30 for each lauta. No, I don't know how much his commission was. Students, of course, have their own style of dealing with him. Two weeks later, no one's yet paid for the lautas.

A new life

My life's changed.
For one thing, I have moved on from playing with words to actually drawing up balance sheets. And that deserves to be a part of the seven wonders of the world! Apna keemti vote SMS karein 0000 par, turant. Lucky winner ko milega ek balance sheet.
Also, sleep is no longer a necessity for me. I don't think I have gone to bed before 3 am even once in the past fortnight and the latest that I have got up is 8. That, of course, is possible only on days when there is no early-morning yoga class.Today was one of those yoga days and so, i am actually sitting and writing this post at 7 am, after the yoga session. In my previous life, I had never known that this time of day actually existed.
The good thing is that after several years of studying and working in fields populated mostly by women and after having spent a considerable portion of my adult life asking other single women, "But where have all the men gone?", I have finally discovered the answer. They have come here. For an MBA.
There are a 100 of them as opposed to 17 of us. I wish I had learnt this secret earlier.
And oh, I finally have a laptop. Makes me feel hi-tech and all even though I still don't know how to write a proper report on MS Word.