Aaiye sunte hain mausam ka haal
It's as old as the dinosaurs. The latter may have been wiped away from the face of the earth ages ago, but the Met office continues to function out of its prehistoric setting next to the defunct airport.
Essentially, the office makes do with three forecasts for the entire year. It can either be a
- partly cloudy sky with chances of duststorms/thunderstorms and squalls in some areas or
- mainly clear sky. Maximum temperature will be around 40 degrees Celsius or
- cloudy sky. Mist/fog in the morning, minimum temperature will be around 10 degrees Celsius
The temperature outside may dip to 0.2 degrees Celsius as it did on January 8 this year or soar to 44.5 degrees as it did only last week, but don't expect the Met department to forecast anything to that effect.
The day they forecast rain, you can be sure as hell, it won't.
So that the next day when you call up, they will always tell you that it was a 'sudden' development. Never mind, if the BBC and Yahoo websites seem to get it right weeks in advance, sitting a few continents away.
That, of course, happens only when they deign to talk to you. On an ordinary day, you will have to call up those bunch of semi-literate paan-chewing men at least five times before you can get through to the duty officer (their names are more secret than state secrets and are not to be revealed). The perennial favourite among DOs is Mandola ji (Sorry ji for making your name public). DOs don't drink water. They only have chai. "Madame, yahaan canteen nahi hai. INA jaake chai peeni padti hai, itni thand/garmi hai, kya karein,'' is the usual response. By the end of it all, you are left wondering if the man has a couple of gallons of tea each day.
On some really exciting days, I actually get to go there. It's nothing short of a pilgrimage. It always starts with the weatherman (Mr Singh, I swear to god, we love you) smiling at me and showing his golden teeth. That always leaves me wondering about them for the rest of the meeting - does he paint them? Do his teeth have gold caps or is it just Babool toothpaste gone bad? (I secretly wish he sits and explains this mystery to me some day). Just as he has painstakingly told me about western disturbances and upper air cylonic circulations, which are apparently the only two meteorological phenomena that occur in India. In winter, everything - the cold, the rain and the fog is thanks to the WD. And in summer, everything- the heat, squalls and storms - is because of the saisar (short for cyclonic circulations, bet you didn't know that!) . For everything else, it suffices to say that the weather is a very dynamic phenomenon. What it certainly isn't is scientific coz these people have only one run-down comp and all the work is done manually.
Of late, however, things have not been too great between me and sweet Mr Singh. On Holi, we carried a story on rain and one of my bosses added a 'notorious' before the weatherman. Mr Singh is fuming. He thinks notorious is a gaali so what if he can't even pronounce the word properly (notororious is how he says it). Two months later, he still isn't talking to me.
So these days, I go by what my instinct tells me. If it's slightly cloudy, I go for the first forecast and if it's sunny, I go for the second. I am glad to report that I am as (in)accurate as they are because as you know by now, the weather is a very dynamic phenomenon.
Essentially, the office makes do with three forecasts for the entire year. It can either be a
- partly cloudy sky with chances of duststorms/thunderstorms and squalls in some areas or
- mainly clear sky. Maximum temperature will be around 40 degrees Celsius or
- cloudy sky. Mist/fog in the morning, minimum temperature will be around 10 degrees Celsius
The temperature outside may dip to 0.2 degrees Celsius as it did on January 8 this year or soar to 44.5 degrees as it did only last week, but don't expect the Met department to forecast anything to that effect.
The day they forecast rain, you can be sure as hell, it won't.
So that the next day when you call up, they will always tell you that it was a 'sudden' development. Never mind, if the BBC and Yahoo websites seem to get it right weeks in advance, sitting a few continents away.
That, of course, happens only when they deign to talk to you. On an ordinary day, you will have to call up those bunch of semi-literate paan-chewing men at least five times before you can get through to the duty officer (their names are more secret than state secrets and are not to be revealed). The perennial favourite among DOs is Mandola ji (Sorry ji for making your name public). DOs don't drink water. They only have chai. "Madame, yahaan canteen nahi hai. INA jaake chai peeni padti hai, itni thand/garmi hai, kya karein,'' is the usual response. By the end of it all, you are left wondering if the man has a couple of gallons of tea each day.
On some really exciting days, I actually get to go there. It's nothing short of a pilgrimage. It always starts with the weatherman (Mr Singh, I swear to god, we love you) smiling at me and showing his golden teeth. That always leaves me wondering about them for the rest of the meeting - does he paint them? Do his teeth have gold caps or is it just Babool toothpaste gone bad? (I secretly wish he sits and explains this mystery to me some day). Just as he has painstakingly told me about western disturbances and upper air cylonic circulations, which are apparently the only two meteorological phenomena that occur in India. In winter, everything - the cold, the rain and the fog is thanks to the WD. And in summer, everything- the heat, squalls and storms - is because of the saisar (short for cyclonic circulations, bet you didn't know that!) . For everything else, it suffices to say that the weather is a very dynamic phenomenon. What it certainly isn't is scientific coz these people have only one run-down comp and all the work is done manually.
Of late, however, things have not been too great between me and sweet Mr Singh. On Holi, we carried a story on rain and one of my bosses added a 'notorious' before the weatherman. Mr Singh is fuming. He thinks notorious is a gaali so what if he can't even pronounce the word properly (notororious is how he says it). Two months later, he still isn't talking to me.
So these days, I go by what my instinct tells me. If it's slightly cloudy, I go for the first forecast and if it's sunny, I go for the second. I am glad to report that I am as (in)accurate as they are because as you know by now, the weather is a very dynamic phenomenon.
posted by 8 by 52 at 9:40 AM
6 Comments:
Lol. That was funny.
well never really thought something as boring as weather could be this funny
Ha ha I could this coming. You weather woman.
On more sober thoughts, I remember the torture I used to go through when Anu would ask me to do it. I am so glad to to be off it.
The weather's pretty nice today too coz it rained at night. For a change though I don't have to do the honours of filing a story. It has been bestowed on someone else.
Essar: I am sure you understand since you have experienced it too.
Vivek: Well, at times, when they are rude to me and just the bang phone down, it doesn't appear that funny. But their monotonous and forever incorrect forecasts are definitely funny.
AB: At that time, I was so foolish, I used to feel quite excited to be thought fit enough to do a weather story.
weather does make interesting conversation!!
on a recent trip to london i heard something called a '5 word weather update'. it went like this. 'if you're wet, its raining.' i kid you not.
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